It was reported earlier today that a personal call on Presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy's mobile was somehow intercepted and leaked to the press. We found the below transcript:
"Morning Mr President. What a surprise to get this call!"
"Well! Look here Vivek... and listen good—
When you and I get on that ticket, no one is EVER gonna beat us. It's done! I know you're wicked smart... the second smartest guy I know, so... get on the ticket as VP. You will have two full terms waiting for you as a reward. You're what... like 38 now?
We're going to go APESHIT in my second term. We will do whatever we can and want... we have three terms and... you know... we can pardon anyone and anything.
I want to stick it to Pence... REAL DEEP!
You're doing good with that judeo-christian thing. That's exactly...I can tell you... what the people want to hear. Let me tell you this... you can't go wrong in America by supporting two things: Israel and Christianity. You support them and they don't really care who or what else you support. You got them lobbying for you forever.
I never went to a goddamn Church my entire life. But I got on that Christian thing like a dog on a bone and backed them... always and everywhere. You then do whatever you want! No one gives a shit. Especially the Evangelicals! Their fuckin' sex scandals make mine look like teenage romps.
By the way, do you have any dirt? Just asking... I don't really care if you do.
Look! I pushed for Israel. I recognized Jerusalem when no American President had the balls... there's never been a President who supported Israel more than I did. But I did all the deals with the Arabs. That's where the money is. Israel sucks OUR money. WE suck Arab money! The stupid Dems just don't get this.
It pays off... even after you're gone. Jared manages money now for the Saudi sovereign fund and he didn't even need to ask. He's laughing now.. and it's the bank that's coming all the way to him.
The Dems are stupid and fuckin' woked up... they can't even get a story straight. They want to disband the police and ALSO want to ban guns. They want us to compete with China, but they ALSO want to give handouts instead of making people work. You see the absurdity of this! Call in their bullshit to the American people... loud and clear... again, and again.
So you're Hindoo, right? People are gonna wonder about the rocks and animals and stuff you guys worship. I got nothin' against that but you know that's coming... so make up a good story... maybe you can throw in a crucifix or menorah into the mix and take the swastika out? I don't know... I'm just sayin'...
I'm running at 47 points and I'm not EVEN trying. I don't expect any of you guys to get close, but you're running at about 5. Not bad for a 38-year old!
Pence is at 3 and slippin' bad! Now that's a beauty...
Here's some advice. Make up holy shit that must be covered. The heads-up-their-asses at the New York Times will always fall for it. Enough folks hate them so they will build your own brand for you!
I like that tennis video of yours... brag about your six-pack while six-feet-under Mitch McConnell's keeps freezin' in front of reporters and Biden keeps talkin' right through his ass. Fire at both sides of the aisle. I would shave some of that chest-hair though...
I will sit out the debates and let you build up points. You need to rip new assholes for Nikki and Pence. You need to bury DeSantimonious... Slow-cook fat Christie, with extra-virgin olive oil.
You know... I made each of these assholes what they are.
Hang with me kid and this deal's going to be done BEFORE New Hampshire!"
"Thank you for the masterclass Mr President. I've never been one for lack of words... but you've truly made me speechless!
Let me just say... Count me in!"
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