Trump Makes Modi An Offer He Cannot Refuse

Houston, Texas—President Trump paid a visit to the "Howdy Modi!" rally by Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi in Houston last weekend and was greeted thunderously by 50,000 boisterous Indian-Americans wearing saffron hats with red visors screaming—Make America Great Only. Yes, there was an unfortunate oversight and the ground team was frantically handing out cover-up stickers before the big man would notice and throw a smoldering orange fit.

But there was a lot more than mere political rallying on the cards that day. According to unnamed sources, Trump has made an offer that the Prime Minister may not be able to refuse. 

The deal is on Kashmir and it goes like this.

The Trump organization wants a 101-year lease on Kashmir. They will bring in all outside investment and develop Kashmir into a world class tourist destination. Included, are plans for a 108-story Trump International Hotel in downtown Srinagar, along with 6 golf courses and 2 world-class ski resorts, spread around the scenic mountain state. The Trump organization will pay the Indian government 40% of the annual take, under a declining schedule that was not specified.

"We have done our homework and have thought through everything in the Indian context," a spokesman for the Trump organization brashly asserted.

"Look! 101 and 108 are your lucky numbers. See, we got that down. But we’re thinking big here. We will build out an Indian Mount Rushmore in the high Himalayas and carve out the rock faces of President Trump and Prime Minister Modi. Helicopter tours will take visitors out over the mountains and we plan to offer milk and honey libations—or AbbyShaker as you call it—of course at extra charge."

"We are targeting 15% of your famous TaroPatty temple’s annual take, in year five," he preened.

"What about security from Pakistani terrorists?" a member of the Indian entourage meekly asked. 

"Glad you asked," retorted the Trump frontman. 

"We will build a huge wall on the west. It’s actually very easy in Kashmir. You already have the mountains as natural barriers. All we need to do is plug the valleys in-between. We have the know-how and can reuse the designs from the Mexican border. Listen! If we can stop Mexicans, we can take Pakistanis with our eyes closed."

"You do know that we went in there a few years ago, right? We cleaned house and were out before they even woke up!" he added, with a smirk.

"What about the funds, sir?" a Modi man dared to interject. 

"We’re going to hit up the Saudis. They always owe us one. Besides they are going to have money streaming down their beards after that monster Aramco public listing. They won’t pay for the Wall though, given their close relationship with Pakistan.

But we’ve got a plan for that too. You guys agree to keep all of the 2 million Muslim refugees in Assam and we’ll work out a deal."

"Bangladesh will pay for the Wall."