[An unmuted microphone picked up this chatter at the press conference last week with President Trump and German Chancellor Angela Merkel.]
"...and yes, we have a huge trade imbalance with Germany that we need to even out. You keep manipulating your own currency and making us do BAD BAD deals..."
"...Mr Trump, you surely know that we have a single currency now—the euro. And you also MUST know that we don't negotiate any trade deals directly. The EU does this..."
"Whatever... so, here's my deal:
We want you to reduce your shipments of luxury cars to the US—you know, the Beemers and Mercs, Audis—by ten thousand every month. Porsches are OK, we'll take 'em—my cabinet members like to buy one every year. Instead, WE will send you... every month... twenty thousand full-size Silverado and Ford F150 pickup trucks. Here's what you need to do...
Put them on your autobaan. Take lots of pictures. Email them to Breitbart."
"Mr Trump, surely you're not serious. Americans desire our cars. You even pay a hefty premium for them. For over a century, our solid German engineering has outclassed anything..."
"Shhhh...shh okay, lemme change things up a bit. You take only five thousand trucks a month from us... okay... but but you will put in a monthly order for a thousand of Ivanka's latest handbags... BeLEEve ME! It'll look a lot better than that rag you're carrying..."
[deep exhalation sound]
"Mr Trump, this is not how we Germans do business. In any case, I would need to take any deal to the Bundestag, then Brussels, because in Germany we don't..."
"Angela, Angela, stop... you don't need permission! You're the Kaiser, RIGHT?"
"It's Chancellor... Mr Trump."
"By the way, did you see the crowds at my inauguration? They were much larger than Hitler's at Nuremberg... I saw the old photos myself."
"Mr Trump, the conference's starting... what are we going to say? I will have to ask you about your commitment to NATO."
"Oh, Angela... Bannon wants to learn the Gestapo salute. He's a YUGE fan... he's been out practicing in front of a mirror ten minutes every day. Think you can fix up someone to help him?"
[mild retching sound]
"Heads-up Angela! We're getting started... now get this... when the cameras start rolling, you need to ask me for a handshake okay, so we get off on a real friendly note... you got that?"
[whirring of cameras]
"...and yes, we have a huge trade imbalance with Germany that we need to even out. You keep manipulating your own currency and making us do BAD BAD deals..."
"...Mr Trump, you surely know that we have a single currency now—the euro. And you also MUST know that we don't negotiate any trade deals directly. The EU does this..."
"Whatever... so, here's my deal:
We want you to reduce your shipments of luxury cars to the US—you know, the Beemers and Mercs, Audis—by ten thousand every month. Porsches are OK, we'll take 'em—my cabinet members like to buy one every year. Instead, WE will send you... every month... twenty thousand full-size Silverado and Ford F150 pickup trucks. Here's what you need to do...
Put them on your autobaan. Take lots of pictures. Email them to Breitbart."
"Mr Trump, surely you're not serious. Americans desire our cars. You even pay a hefty premium for them. For over a century, our solid German engineering has outclassed anything..."
"Shhhh...shh okay, lemme change things up a bit. You take only five thousand trucks a month from us... okay... but but you will put in a monthly order for a thousand of Ivanka's latest handbags... BeLEEve ME! It'll look a lot better than that rag you're carrying..."
[deep exhalation sound]
"Mr Trump, this is not how we Germans do business. In any case, I would need to take any deal to the Bundestag, then Brussels, because in Germany we don't..."
"Angela, Angela, stop... you don't need permission! You're the Kaiser, RIGHT?"
"It's Chancellor... Mr Trump."
"By the way, did you see the crowds at my inauguration? They were much larger than Hitler's at Nuremberg... I saw the old photos myself."
"Mr Trump, the conference's starting... what are we going to say? I will have to ask you about your commitment to NATO."
"Oh, Angela... Bannon wants to learn the Gestapo salute. He's a YUGE fan... he's been out practicing in front of a mirror ten minutes every day. Think you can fix up someone to help him?"
[mild retching sound]
"Heads-up Angela! We're getting started... now get this... when the cameras start rolling, you need to ask me for a handshake okay, so we get off on a real friendly note... you got that?"
[whirring of cameras]
"Angela, Angela, stop... you don't need permission! You're the Kaiser, RIGHT?"
ReplyDelete"It's Chancellor... Mr Trump."
THIS KILLED ME, Vijay.