A Biological Oddity

In a stunning paper on human evolutionary development, researchers described a small native human population growing a rudimentary tail. 

Scientists at the Max Plank Institute for Evolutionary Anthropology at Leipzig, reported in an article in Nature this week that a small set of humans were regrowing a tail that was lost at least nine to ten million years ago, dating back to the human-gorilla (Hominini-Gorillini) common ancestor, during the late Miocene.

The tail was first observed in detailed analyses of photographs of human subjects. The researchers developed an AI-based technology that could analyze a photo by stripping off clothing and closely examining the underlying structure. 

The authors report that every tail specimen started aft of the limbs but grew afore, demonstrating a "conspicuous oblique dorsal aspect". In lay-person terms, this may best be described as a "tail between the legs" stance. 

All photos were taken by the security cameras at Mar-a-Lago. Citing privacy concerns, the paper would not report any more details on the subjects. No cases have been reported in women.

Our Senior Anatomical Correspondent was given access to several of the photos. She reported spotting one short stocky bald man with a high-chested high-heeled woman on his arm wearing almost nothing, save a tattoo that eerily resembled the logo of ecommerce giant, Amazon. The other was a brooding younger man with a hoodie draped around a pale and singularly unsmiling face. The photo shows his arm stretched out, in what appeared to be a punch thrown at another man in the background, bearing strong resemblance to billionaire Elon Musk. 

Most other subjects wore blue-grey suits and bright red baseball hats, suggestive of Republican Congressmen. Like the images of brutalized slaves carved into a triumphal Roman arch, they trudged forward, beaten and bowed. Blurred images of hands suggested vibration, possibly from shivering, even in the Florida heat. 

But what nature giveth, nature taketh away. Initial observations indicate that evolution is already counterbalancing the addition of the tail at the rear end of the subject, by shortening the penis at the front end—a conservation mechanism often deployed in nature to avoid wasting resources. 

In contrast to a vestigial human tail that reflects function lost through evolution, the authors are calling this phenomenon a testigial tail, to reflect an adjacent body part lost through unbridled subservience.