We happened to have one of our correspondents at the Trumps' Thanksgiving.
The President-elect went around the table, generously inviting his guests to offer their profuse thanks to him.
Elon opened.
"I want to thank you for treating me like your own family. I have been parked here at Mar-a-Lago since the election. Having slept on Tesla factory floors many nights, I truly appreciate the comfortable camp cot in the staff quarters.
President Trump! Congratulations! You won the popular vote with 51% of the electorate, or almost 76 million Americans, while I have the mandate of over 206 million on X. Together, we will reform the government and trap its dodgers under the DOGE program.
And thank you, Melania, for letting me have your house slippers and your old silk pajamas."
Vance went next.
"Oosha and I are immensely grateful and thankful for being part of the biggest revolution since the Civil War. Trump 47 will go down as the greatest rule of all time. The time when hillbillies, rednecks, and hicks will rule over nerds, weenies, and wonks.
Thank you Mr President for inviting us to this lovely dinner. As you all know, Oosha is vegetarian and she has brought with her... what's it again, honey? Yeah! It's called curd rice and it goes with super hot Andhra chilly pickle. Give it a go, if you'd like."
Vivek follows...
"I am proud of what all of us here have collectively achieved. I want to sincerely thank President Trump for insisting that I run—a perfect political ruse to draw away and marginalize all opposition. We cleared the deck early and could successfully garrote grumpy gramps Biden and lacerate lame laffin' Kamala. Enjoy the dinner everyone. Eat as much as you like! My wife Apoorva is a laryngologist and can help you swallow almost anything!"
"Except your ego, Vivek!" says Jared calmly, amidst loud laughter resounding all around the room. Musk is holding his sides, laughing.
Everyone now looks to Marco Rubio, by the side of Vivek.
"Stand up Marco! Take a bow! Ladies and gentlemen, our new Secretary of State!" announces Don Jr.
Marco, who's been standing from the beginning, smiles wanly.
"Let me also say that I am truly delighted and thankful to be part of this new administration. We will bring to heel all Arab countries, except of course [looking at Jared] our Saudi friends, all the dumb Europeans who don't pay their fair share, and the Chinese who have been swindling us for generations. Iran! Forget exploding cellphones... you'll find out about our micro drones after they get under your turbans, hijabs, and beards!
And I'm tired of the Indians blowing kisses at Putin. I will tell them they're either with us or against us!
You can see our impact already! Thanks to the trouncing Trump win and my announcement for State, Biden has been forced to negotiate a ceasefire between the Israelis and Hezbollah..."
"Alright, alright l'il Marco! It's Thanksgivin'! You can sit now..." adds Trump.
Marco sits down with a sheepish red face that disappears behind the large brown turkey at the middle of the table.
Next it's Melania's father, Viktor... who stands up and pulls out a hand-written yellow legal sheet.
"Thank you everyone for thees wonderful Thanksgiving. I would like to thank Prezidint Thrump, my lovely dother Melania, my dheer wife Amalija who is no more, my grandsun Baaron, my older daughter Ines, my Slovenian friends Hana, Jakob... Mila, Oskar... Lucija, Boris, Valentina..."
"OK pops!" butts in Trump. "Sit down and hold on to Baron's hand. The turkey will be carved soon..."
Eric comes on.
"Duh! 'Nuff said. Time to eat! Don and I went hunting yesterday and we nailed a python and a gator. That's what's in your burgers today. Bon Appétit!
Finally, Trump stands up.
"Dear friends and family, I am delighted to have you all join me today in the most important holiday of our Nation. I hope you all enjoy the delicious turkey. I will have you all know that this was exactly the big bird that was pardoned by sleepy Joe Biden earlier this week.
Enjoy the white meat! It's going to be red all the way from here on!"
