At a news conference this morning, President Trump outlined his staffing changes. Curling his fingers into air quotes, he began...
"Mike Dubke 'resigned' as Communications Director this morning. Before you ask, let me tell you that he was fired.
I will be putting additional responsibilities on Jared Kushner after his stellar performance with the Israelis and the Phoenicians last week. I have now asked him to resolve the Kashmir conflict between nuclear powers India and Bangladesh and update their leaders when he's done. Jared will also take up and resolve all island issues in the South China Sea. His real estate and eviction experience is exactly what we need now.
Reince Pubis is out. I'm done with his crazy name. He's also been one huge disappointment. But he's a terrific guy. I've offered him a staff job at Mar-a-Lago.
I will be firing a lot of people to fix our team. My security director Keith Schiller will personally deliver these notices. It works. Dubke—like Comey before him— took off as soon as he heard Keith was on his way, leaving his wallet and keys behind.
Leaders of countries shamelessly block not just our agenda—but even our way—on our foreign trips. Last week I myself had to physically push aside the leader of Montenegro, a mountainous African nation. I'm bringing on Chris Christie to fix that. The big guy joins as my new Travel Director. He will travel by my side and do all the pushing, so America always comes out first.
And let me tell you... with all her crazy comments this week, Merkel is just asking for it.
Finally, Melania has expressed her interest to be far away from Washington and do deals. I have appointed her as our ambassador to Saudi Arabia. She just closed a $10 billion deal to sell Made-in-America designer abayas—like the one she modeled last week—to the Saudis."
"Mike Dubke 'resigned' as Communications Director this morning. Before you ask, let me tell you that he was fired.
I will be putting additional responsibilities on Jared Kushner after his stellar performance with the Israelis and the Phoenicians last week. I have now asked him to resolve the Kashmir conflict between nuclear powers India and Bangladesh and update their leaders when he's done. Jared will also take up and resolve all island issues in the South China Sea. His real estate and eviction experience is exactly what we need now.
Reince Pubis is out. I'm done with his crazy name. He's also been one huge disappointment. But he's a terrific guy. I've offered him a staff job at Mar-a-Lago.
I will be firing a lot of people to fix our team. My security director Keith Schiller will personally deliver these notices. It works. Dubke—like Comey before him— took off as soon as he heard Keith was on his way, leaving his wallet and keys behind.
Leaders of countries shamelessly block not just our agenda—but even our way—on our foreign trips. Last week I myself had to physically push aside the leader of Montenegro, a mountainous African nation. I'm bringing on Chris Christie to fix that. The big guy joins as my new Travel Director. He will travel by my side and do all the pushing, so America always comes out first.
And let me tell you... with all her crazy comments this week, Merkel is just asking for it.
Finally, Melania has expressed her interest to be far away from Washington and do deals. I have appointed her as our ambassador to Saudi Arabia. She just closed a $10 billion deal to sell Made-in-America designer abayas—like the one she modeled last week—to the Saudis."
